John Vallat shares his thoughts on the meaning and practice of our association’s operational name
“Being Alongside” is the operational name which was adopted by The Association for Pastoral Care in Mental Health some years ago. The meaning and practice of “pastoral care” may be the subject of debate. In this short article I am expressing my own views. My hope is that it may encourage others to in turn share their own thoughts, perhaps for future publication in our magazine and on our website.
I believe that an important element of pastoral care or support is “being alongside”. But what does this mean? One illustration is in the Servant Song written by Richard Gillard in 1977. It has been described by Charles Parvey, choirmaster at Holy Trinity, Malvern as being “an expression of the Christian call to community and friendship, marked by selfless service, walking alongside and bearing one another’s joys, sorrows and fears”. Here are some verses from the Servant Song:
“Brother, sister, let me serve you; let be as Christ to you; pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.”
Richard Gillard
“We are pilgrims on a journey; and companions on the road; we are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load”.
“I will weep when you are weeping; when you laugh I’ll laugh with you; I will share your joy and sorrow, till we’ve seen this journey through”
These verses emphasise the journeying together, the mutuality of the relationship and the giving and receiving on both sides. That illustrates my idea of “being alongside”.
Over the years I have used the mnemonic ‘ALIVE’ to remember some of the key aspects of “being alongside” someone as we journey together. We all benefit when we are:
- Accepted
- Listened to
- Involved and Included as an Individual
- Valued
- Encouraged
With that support we may feel more “alive” and able to enjoy life more.
While this may have some truth for everyone, I feel that it is particularly true for those of us who have struggled or are struggling with mental health issues. I speak from experience. After my psychiatric hospitalisation and forced retirement from my professional career was the acceptance and understanding that I received from the Cellar Christian Café in Godalming and being included in its management. It gave me a new purpose and I felt valued and encouraged to use my experience in a positive way. It was in contrast to the attitudes of many others towards someone seen as “mentally ill” and unacceptable.
I also recognise the need that most of us want to give as well as to receive love and kindness. The first verse of the Servant’s Song (above) highlights the point that we should be willing to receive as well as to give. That is the essence of a good relationship.
There must be numerous examples of “being alongside” amongst the supporters of this charity. As individuals we can be alongside anyone we meet. As churches and faith communities, we can create a welcoming environment and involve those who may not be so well accepted elsewhere. And there are many examples of group projects. At Being Alongside we have, over the years, developed different ways of meeting this need. These have included drop-in sessions, befriending schemes, hospital visiting, outings, retreats, seminars, courses and prayer and worship.
In the Summer 2023 issue of Being Alongside magazine, our administrator, Lucy Roose, told us about her experience of sharing a table in a café with anyone who wanted to join her. There was a specific weekly day and time that she would be there.
For some 20 years there was a weekly meeting on Friday mornings at Haslemere Methodist Church when the BA Grapevine Group joined the church’s Open Coffee morning. The group had its own table or tables but became part of the community and got to know others, helpers and customers. Importantly, friendships were formed and some of those who came to the Grapevine also met at other times.
Last Autumn I approached the Cellar Café and it became affiliated to Being Alongside. Our intention was to establish links with GP’s surgeries so as to encourage those who might benefit to come and be welcomed in the café. Since then I have been attending a weekly management meeting which includes a time of prayer as well as operational discussions.
It soon became clear to me that the staff and volunteers already understood the concept of “being alongside” and that many of the people they were supporting had mental health issues. Maybe the GPs already knew about the café, but we persevered with our approach to the surgeries. After just over a year, some progress has been made. We are working with Care Coordinators and a Medical Assistant from two separate surgeries. Through them, we hope to have contact with the local social prescriber. We have started a monthly Being Alongside afternoon when tea and cakes are offered and we have a chance of getting to know new people and how they feel we might be able to support them. There remains the question as to how best to encourage people to take the first step to come and visit the café. We are also uncertain whether to provide specific sessions for those with mental health needs or whether it is better to encourage integration. We do not know how, if at all, this might develop. We may not achieve the original aim. At least we have tried and continuing to try to “be alongside”. And we have journeyed together!
It is valuable and encouraging to hear about other projects. Please let us know what is happening near you. I would very much like to see other contributions to our newsletters, website and magazines. We have so much to learn from each other.
And it is really good news that Being Alongside’s new grant scheme has been able to make awards to various projects over the last year, as you can read about elsewhere in this edition. We look forward to hearing how they develop.